Paranormal Activity, the allegedly pee-your-pants-scary horror movie that had audiences across America allegedly screaming, could use a little more para: Most of the movie is utterly normal activity. A large portion of it is a static shot of couple Katie and Micah’s bed as they sleep, and absolutely nothing happens for like 70 minutes.

Sure, I get that you have to build suspense, but seriously, a five-minute sequence that results in some super spooky noises? That’s not scary, it’s boring. The whole cinema scarité was done before to better effect a decade ago in The Blair Witch Project, which at least had novelty on its side. But Paranormal Activity is such a blatant rip-off, they might as well have called it Blair Witch 2. But I guess that title was already taken.

For a movie built entirely on suspense, the payoff has to be pretty spectacular to be rewarding, and Paranormal Activity simply can’t deliver. We get no answers, no resolution and no scares. Sounds pretty normal to me.