In the beginning, Shoot ‘Em Up bears a striking resemblance to Children of Men. Clive Owen is trying to protect a pregnant woman who is being hunted down. He delivers the baby and is then tasked with keeping it from harm. And that’s pretty much where the similarities end. In Shoot ‘Em Up, Owen cuts the umbilical cord by firing a bullet at it. He then shoots lots and lots of bullets in increasingly ridiculous ways for 90 minutes. Goodbye art house, hello grindhouse!

Film critics say it’s like watching a video game, but if they had played one in the last decade, they’d know that video games have far deeper plots, meatier characters and better acting. Shoot ‘Em Up is actually a 13-year-old boy’s favorite movie ever. It’s like writer-director Michael Davis went to a middle school slumber party and took notes.

“Wouldn’t it be awesome if, like, the good guy ate carrots. And like he’s always chomping on carrots. And then he jams one in someone’s eye! Cause carrots are good for your eyes, but like, this one isn’t!” Yes, Davis says, it would be awesome.