Another whirlwind E3 has come and gone, and I could barely keep up with the nonstop glut of infodump that hit all week. I was on a bus from NYC to DC Monday, trying in vain to watch Microsoft’s press conference over the Bolt Bus’ dial-up caliber wi-fi. If I’d known it was going to be a bunch of people jumping around like idiots, I probably wouldn’t have bothered. I tuned in to Sony’s press conference on G4 the following day and was so bored I switched to Diff’rent Strokes. Wait, that wasn’t dead Gary Coleman, that was PSP’s new ad campaign? It’s utterly embarrassing.

Nintendo’s was the only presser I missed, and apparently it was the only one worth watching. Even though this makes my soul die a lot. Reggie could totally star in a horror movie that would put High Tension to shame. Those eyes… Quelle horreur!

Anyway, here’s a list of what left me feeling cold and what was hot fire:

Hot Fire: Microsoft’s Kinect (né Natal) finally brings Minority Report-style user interface to the masses.
Cold Ice: Unfortunately, the launch lineup is comprised largely of Wii-clone party games.

Hot Fire: Harmonix’ Dance Central looks like so much fun. I only hope it can teach me Janet Jackson’s “If” choreography. And maybe includes a hot bald black man to manhandle.
Cold Ice: I live in a small Manhattan apartment, and my scary troll downstairs neighbor will murder me if I “Just Dance.”

Hot Fire: Kevin Butler
Cold Ice: Marcus

Hot Fire: Nintendo 3DS packs Gamecube-quality graphics, DS backwards compatibility, an analog stick and glasses-free 3D into a do-it-all handheld. Games in the works include versions of Metal Gear Solid, Street Fighter, Dead or Alive, Resident Evil, and the long-awaited and much-demanded Kid Icarus.
Cold Ice: Sony pushes 3D that not only requires glasses but also the purchase of a new 3D-capable Bravia TV that no one has or can possibly afford anytime soon.

Hot Fire: Donkey Kong returns, courtesy of Metroid Prime developer Retro Studios, and looks to be a direct sequel to the SNES classics.
Cold Ice: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword adds Motion Plus controls and seemingly little else, making it the least exciting Zelda game since the CD-I version.

Random Hot Fire: Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Rayman Origins, MGS Rising, Dead Space 2 and Kinect seller Child of Eden.
Random Cold Ice: Karaoke Revolution: Glee, the first KR in nearly a decade that I will not buy. Fuck that fucking horrible show.