This week, the UPN finally, publicly declared it would be giving the axe to Enterprise, the latest version of Paramount’s bid to slowly kill off the Star Trek series.

A relieved cast was finally told that their contract-in-slavery had been anulled. Many of the actors apparently leapt immediately into their cars, forgoing the wrap party to do something more interesting — like clean their toilets.

Lead actor Scott Bakula was heard to say, “Thank God that’s over. I mean, now I can go back and do that I-Man sequel I’ve always wanted to do.”

Jolene Blalock, who played the oft-naked Vulcan T’Pol finally got some clothes back on, and fought off a number of other cast members who kept trying to rub oil all over her in the ship’s brig.

After the official cancellation announcement went over the wire, hundreds of loyal fans to the show decided that they could raise enough money to keep the show on the air. A petition has been put up online (literally hours before I posted this), and of the over-$100 million budget, 42 cents has been raised. No word yet on how the fans will react to the cast’s utter refusal to go anywhere near the Enterprise soundstages.

The late Gene Roddenberry’s wife pledged to give several thousand dollars to Star Trek fans “in order for them to go outside for once, and get a life.”

Update: Just posted on /. is a story regarding the Enterprise fans having purchased a full-page ad in the A section of the LA Times. The ad pleads with UPN to pick up the series for a fifth season. Reportedly costing a normal group $35,000, the Enterprise psychos got some sort of special deal. Please just let it die.

(Hey, don’t be stupid. Obviously this isn’t all true.)