Just when you thought Smallville couldn’t have any more similarities to Buffy the Vampire Slayer (see Buffy vs. Smallville), they go and steal the “turning-to-ash” special effect. Man …

The episode opens in a hospital room. Some guy named Tyler has come home to visit his dying mother. She says that she’s tired of fighting and wants him to help her die. He balks at first, but finally gives in (his mother uses the old “If you really love me, you’ll do it” line). So he takes her pillow and smothers her. (Wait a minute, didn’t I see this just last week on Angel?) The nurses and security rush in, and in the ensuing scuffle, Tyler falls out a window and several stories to his death.

The scene cuts to the autopsy room where the doctor is looking over the body. He notices a piece of kryptonite embedded in Tyler’s arm (it was part of a bracelet he was wearing), but for some reason refers to it as “an unknown rock fragment.” Is he new in town or something? The stuff is everywhere in that town, he ought to know what it is. Anyhow, the good doctor removes the fragment, and we see a glow of green course through Tyler’s body. You know what that means … wackiness is soon to follow. Sure enough, the doctor goes to cut open Tyler when he suddenly opens his eyes (Tyler, not the doctor). Tyler grabs the doctor’s arm and the doctor, as seen from behind a screen, disentigrates into a little pile of dust on the floor.

When we get back from the credits and commercials, Clark and Martha are taking food and flowers to old, sick people. (Of course they are.) Clark complains that he can’t do anything to help them, but Martha, in her usual way, reminds Clark that even though he can’t save them from sickness and old age, he can save them from loneliness. Clark gets this classic Boy Scout look on his face that says, “Gosh, Mom, you’re right! I never thought of that before!” And suddenly I feel trapped in an after-school special.

The talk then turns to the annual fishing trip that Clark goes on with his father. (Of course they do.) Clark says he’s not really into fishing anymore, so Martha says he needs to tell his dad so he knows. Then Tyler makes his appearance as the group’s newest volunteer. He’s wearing gloves, presumably so he doesn’t arouse suspicion by dusting everyone he meets. The three of them go to the house of Mrs. Sikes and her yappy little dog, Pepper. Naturally, the dog doesn’t like Tyler. Animals are something else, aren’t they? Always the first to know when earthquakes are going to hit, or when you’re in the presence of a dead man who likes to play Grim Reaper. Gotta love ‘em. Anyhow, Mrs. Sikes is bed-ridden and obviously in pain, just Tyler’s type. He flirts with her a little (eww) and promises to visit again and bring her a white rose, her favorite. I’m sure he’s also planning on bringing a scythe and a big hooded black robe, but he neglects to mention this.

We cut to Lex who is unpleasantly surprised to find one of his father’s lackey’s, Dominick, in his house. (Dude, don’t you have a security system or something?) He tells Lex he’s been sent to investigate some accounting irregularities that an accounting audit of Lex’s division turned up. Lex is annoyed and, after spouting off about his depressing childhood for a bit, tells Dominick to tread carefully.

Now to Lana’s movie-coffee-house, where Lex finds Clark flipping through a fishing magazine. Clark mentions the annual trip with his dad and Lex responds, “Of course you do.” I have to laugh; I knew I liked Lex for a reason. After another story from his past, Lex offers Clark two tickets for the Metropolis Sharks football game that they can use instead of fishing. He leaves, while we see Lana getting off the phone and pretending to cry. Clark goes over and he tells her that Whitney’s father has had another heart attack. I’m not sure if she’s more upset by what’s happened or by the fact that now she’ll have to keep going out with Whitney to be supportive.

Back in the barn, Jonathan is surprised by a visit from Dominick, who informs him that Lex had an in-depth study done on the crash with Clark (in the Premiere episode) and had a big profile done on the Kents. Jonathan tries to play it cool, but then totally blows it by asking what Lex’s findings on the crash were. Dominick says nothing as he walks away, and Jonathan looks concerned.

Later, Clark comes home and suggests going to the Sharks game. Jonathan brings up Lex’s investigation, and finds out that Clark knew about it, but didn’t tell him. Jonathan gets mad, Clark gets mad at being treated “like a kid” and tells his dad that he doesn’t even like fishing anymore, he just goes to make his dad happy. There’s an awkwardness as he realizes what he just says and tries to take it back. But it’s too late and it becomes clear that the premise of the show is going to be about father-son relationships. I am trapped in an after-school special.

Later that night, Tyler pays a visit to Mrs. Sikes and plays Dr. Kevorkian. The next day, Chloe and Clark discuss it and her theory is spontaneous combustion. Naturally, she wants to investigate.

Meanwhile, we learn that Jonathan and his dad drifted apart because of things Jonathan kept from him, and that Jonathan still feels badly about it. Yeah, we get it, guys. The father-son bond is important. You don’t have to hit us over the head with a bale of hay.

Speaking of … Jonathan gets a visit from Lex. They have bitter words and we learn more about Lex’s crappy relationship with his father. Lex almost gets hit with a hay bale a couple of times. Then Lex correctly guesses that one of the main reasons Jonathan is mad is that Clark wasn’t upfront with him about Lex’s investigation. (See a theme?) Lex tells Jonathan that he’s only seen the name Luthor since they first met, and Jonathan says he’s never given him any reason not to.

We switch to the next father-son discussion, which is between Whitney and Clark. (No, nothing weird like that; they’re talking about their respective fathers.) Lana has sent Clark to find out why Whitney hasn’t visited his dad yet. Whitney says it’s because his father used to tell him he would be there the day he threw his first pass for the Sharks and how strong he remembers him being. And he just can’t stand to see him so weak in the hospital, and he doesn’t want those to be his memories of his dad. Clark says he’d rather take the man over the memory any day. (I’m pretty sure he got that out of a fortune cookie.)

Later, Clark and Chloe go investigate Mrs. Sikes’ house after Chloe learns that a doctor in the Metropolis morgue also turned to ash. They find Pepper’s ashes, and Clark spies the white rose. He may be dense when it comes to women, but at least he’s able to put two and two together when it comes to kryptonite-hopped-up freaks. Meanwhile, Martha is dropping off some produce for the elderly when she runs into Tyler. He accidentally touches the vegetables, and they turn to dust. Martha realizes that he was the one who dusted Mrs. Sikes, and then Tyler accidentally dusts another guy who tries to stop him from leaving by grabbing his arm. Oops. I guess he figures it’s best just to kill Martha too, because then he goes after her. As always, though, Clark’s timing is impeccable and he saves her in a weird slightly-slow-motion scene, though not before getting touched by Tyler. Part of his face goes ashen, but he recovers quickly after flinging Tyler across the room. Tyler escapes and Clark, in a not-so heart-to-heart with his dad, later says it felt like he was having the life sucked out of him. Yeah, duh, Clark, we kinda figured that was what was going on.

Later, Lana expresses surprise to Clark over what happened to his mom at the Mobile Meals place. Clark warns her that if she sees Tyler, not to let him touch her. Lana looks confused (apparently, she only got part of the story or something) and Clark says it’s a long story. _What_ No, it’s not. He turns people to ash. Five words. That’s it. “Don’t let him touch you” just makes him sound like a molester or something, not like someone that will kill you.

After she leaves, Lex comes up and rescinds the offer of the Sharks tickets, telling Clark to go fishing with his dad because he just wants to spend some time with his son. There are, yet again, more comparisons between Lex’s relationship with his dad and Clark’s relationship with Jonathan. But speaking of fathers, Whitney has decided to visit his father, which he tells Lana at night beside her parents’ graves. He leaves for the hospital, but not before kissing Lana on the forehead. The forehead? No wonder, Lana’s looking for some action with Clark. Geez.

As Lana leaves the graveyard, who should she run into but Tyler the Wannabe-Grim Reaper. He says he overheard the conversation with Whitney and can make the pain of both Whitney and his father go away. But after Lana distractedly turns away for a second, he disappears. OK, come on. The guy may be all dead and dusty, but he’s not Batman or anything. Could he really have slipped away that quickly?

Chloe tells Clark that the toxicology report on Tyler said he had lethal amounts of painkillers in his body, which doesn’t make any sense, because he died falling out of a building, not from popping pills. At any rate, she thinks the lethal amount of painkillers, combined with the kryptonite, is what caused Tyler to “pull a Thriller.” I ignore the bad Michael Jackson reference, mostly because I’m still perturbed about the randomness of the painkiller thing. Then Lana runs in and relays her run-in with the Reaper himself. Clark runs off, while Lana asks, “Where are you going?” She looks at Pete and Chloe, who just shrugs and says, “Don’t ask me. He does that all the time.” I admit it, I’m amused for some reason.

At the hospital, Whitney has just arrived to see his father, but Tyler is already there and knocks Whitney unconscious. Clark arrives just as Tyler is about to dust Whitney’s dad and they scuffle, while Clark is careful not to get touched. Clark tells Tyler that his mom is still alive, and so they go to see her. In a truly therapeutic breakthrough, Tyler realizes that it wasn’t the suffering of others he’s been trying to relieve, but his own. Then he clasps his hands together and turns himself to ash. Can he really do that? I mean, he’s not alive in the first place. But anyhow, Clark rushes over but it’s too late. What makes the scene though is Clark’s expression. Tyler’s dust is swirling to the ground and Clark is standing in the middle of it, shaking his hands in the air with this totally “eww, gross” look on his face.

Later, we see Lex meet with his dad. Lex says his dad is afraid that he doesn’t need him anymore then delivers a little package – Dominick tied up in his trunk. Lex’s father seems to approve for some warped reason, and Lex says next time he has questions about his practices, to just ask.

The show closes with a scrimmage of the Sharks, with Whitney playing quarterback as his dad watches. Lex has set up (seeing as how his father owns the team), which Jonathan compliments him on. Aww, how sweet a bonding moment. Then Clark and Lana bond when she realizes that Clark is the one who asked Lex to set the game up. She gives him a kiss on his cheek for his troubles, which is more than she got from Whitney, so good for him. Then Clark and Jonathan bond and make up after their fight, saying that they both just want to spend time with each other. Clark says he knows how to get more fish this year — X-ray vision. It’s funny to me at first, until I realize it doesn’t make much sense. If you’re spearing fish, sure. But seeing the fish just helps you see where they’re hanging out, it doesn’t make them any more likely to take the bait. But I’m not a fisher, so what do I know.

It wasn’t a bad episode overall, but I hate when they keep pounding at one theme over and over and over again. It’s fine to have a premise of the importance of the father-son relationship, but you don’t have to kill us with it.