Live from the epicenter of E3 (my living room in Harlem), here are Nintendo E3 reactions! I’m going to try to do this while on a conference call news meeting with a bunch of old people in DC.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii: Four players simultaneously in 2D sidescroller. Looks fun, wonder how much it will focus on platforming with so many people hopping about.

Wii Fit Plus: Fifteen new balance games, out this fall. About as exciting as a new Bowflex.

Wii Sports Resort: Mii skydiving, archery, basketball with laser precision Wii Motion Plus. If only it had a laser game.

Tiger Woods, Red Steel 2: Seen it all before.

Alright, this is less interesting than the sandwich I’m about to make. I’ll weigh in if things get good.

Wii Vitality Sensor: For those of us who are tired of going to Walgreens to check our blood pressure.

This turkey and turkey bacon sandwich is amazing! Two kinds of turkey at once! The Wii Vitality Sensor would pick up my heart rate as delicious.

Super Mario Galaxy 2: Looks like more of the same, but that’s a good thing. Yoshi is along for the ride.

Metroid Other M: Wow, Team Ninja has taken over the Metroid franchise. Does this mean Samus gets much bigger boobs? She does speak for the first time. Hard to tell what kind of game it is, 2.5D? Looks pretty badass, though.

Looks like Nintendo isn’t changing things up any. I still only want to play for Mario, Zelda and Metroid.